I’ve been quiet lately—because I’ve been healing. Not just physically, but emotionally too.
I recently had a painful shingles outbreak. And while it might sound like just another flare-up to some, for me, it was a harsh reminder: my body doesn’t handle stress like it used to.
Any form of pressure—whether physical, emotional, or even just a busy week—can leave me completely broken. Weak. Worn down. Exhausted. And this time, it hit me hard.
What made it even more difficult was realizing that in the past, I would’ve numbed all of this with alcohol. I wouldn’t have sat in the pain. I wouldn’t have felt the fear. I wouldn’t have had to face the questions like “Will I ever feel normal again?” or “Why is my body always fighting something?”
But I’m sober now. And sobriety doesn’t let you run.
It makes you feel everything. It forces you to sit in the mess. And it teaches you that healing isn’t always pretty—but it is powerful.
I won’t lie. There were moments I wanted to escape, to go back to the old way of coping. But I didn’t. Because I’ve come too far to go backward.
This is the raw, unfiltered side of sobriety that no one posts about. The sick days. The dark days. The lonely moments when your old life whispers, “It was easier back then.”
But it wasn’t. I was just more numb. Now I feel everything. And while it hurts, it also means I’m truly alive.
If you’re in a battle—physically, mentally, or spiritually—please know this: you’re not weak for feeling broken. You’re brave for choosing to face it without the escape.
This is Sober Without Secrets. No hiding. No pretending. Just healing—day by day.
This week has brought me to my knees, literally and spiritually.
I was diagnosed with shingles, and not just anywhere, on my eye. The pain is excruciating. It feels like someone lit a fire behind my face and it won’t go out. My eye is swollen, my head is throbbing, and every nerve on the left side of my face is screaming. It’s terrifying. Not only because of the physical pain, but because shingles in the eye can threaten your vision. That kind of fear can rattle you to your core.
And let me be brutally honest: in moments like this, my old self starts whispering to me. “Just one drink. Just one cigarette. Just one moment to take the edge off.”
That was my go-to comfort before. In pain, in panic, in sadness, I numbed. That’s how I survived back then. But now, I’m sober. And I’m not just sober when it’s easy. I’m learning how to be sober when it’s excruciating.
There’s nothing easy about walking through a health crisis without your old crutches. My body is screaming, my nerves are shot, and my emotions feel like a rollercoaster. I’ve cried from the pain. I’ve cried from the fear. I’ve cried from the sheer exhaustion of holding the line.
But I’m still holding.
Because in this moment, I’m not turning to the bottle or the lighter, I’m turning to God. To prayer. To worship. To quiet moments of begging Him to get me through the next hour.
And He is. He doesn’t always take the pain away. But He does meet me in it.
I wanted to share this not because I have it all together, I don’t. But because someone out there might be going through their own storm and wondering how to hold on without falling back. This is your reminder: You can. You can do hard things. You can stay sober through the fire. You can cry and still be strong. You can feel broken and still be healing.
Shingles on my eye may have knocked me down, but it hasn’t taken my sobriety. And it won’t. Because I’ve fought too long and too hard to get here.
This is just one chapter, not the whole story.
So I’m choosing faith over fear. Prayer over panic. Sobriety over suffering.
And if you’re walking through pain too—physical, emotional, spiritual—I’m walking right beside you.
We don’t have to hide our hard days. We don’t have to keep secrets anymore. We heal out loud. We stay sober—even in the storm.
Before March 2023, I was living in a fog—mentally, emotionally, and physically. From the outside, it may have seemed like I had it all together, but behind the scenes, I was battling health issues, chronic anxiety, and a quiet internal chaos that alcohol only made worse. I was exhausted, disconnected, over weight and running on empty.
When I made the decision to get sober, I didn’t fully realize how much my life was about to change. I knew I needed to heal. I knew I wanted to be more present for my family. What I didn’t know was that sobriety would eventually lead me back to my career—not just as the woman I used to be, but as someone completely renewed.
Taking a break from work was one of the hardest choices I made. I felt guilty, uncertain, and a little lost. But now I can say, without hesitation, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I needed that space to breathe, to process, to reset. I needed time to learn how to take care of myself again. Not just my physical body, but my soul.
Now, I’m back in my career with more energy, more confidence, and more clarity than I’ve ever had. I’m not dragging around the emotional weight that alcohol once tried to bury. I’m no longer navigating work with a cloudy mind or low self-esteem. I walk into each day with a sense of peace and purpose that only sobriety could give me.
What’s different this time? Everything.
I’m no longer trying to prove myself through burnout or chasing validation through work. I’m showing up because I love what I do. I’m driven by passion, not pressure. I’m building relationships with authenticity and actually enjoying the process instead of just pushing through the motions.
Sobriety didn’t just give me my life back—it gave me me back. And that has made all the difference.
If you’re in a place where you’re wondering if a reset might be what you need—this is your sign. You don’t lose time when you step away to get healthy. You gain strength, vision, and a solid foundation to come back stronger than ever.
This next chapter of my career isn’t just a comeback—it’s a whole new beginning. And I’m stepping into it with clear eyes, a full heart, and a freedom I never knew was possible.
Here’s to doing it sober. Here’s to doing it well.
I once read a quote that stopped me in my tracks: “You will get there. But right now you are here. (And here is wonderful.)”
It moved me so deeply that I had to pause, breathe it in, and sit with the truth of it. In a world that constantly pushes us toward what’s next, what’s better, or what we “should” be doing, it’s easy to overlook the beauty of right now—of the here.
The Sobriety Journey Isn’t Just About the Destination
When I first got sober, I was always looking ahead. How many days sober will I be next month? When will I feel “normal”? When will I stop craving? When will I finally feel like I’ve made it?
I thought healing lived somewhere down the road—something far off I had to chase. But what I’ve come to realize is this: sobriety is not a finish line. It’s a daily walk with God, and every step counts. Every moment matters. Even the messy ones. Especially the messy ones.
Right now, here, may not be perfect—but it is powerful.
Learning to Love the Present Moment
There was a time when I would numb every uncomfortable moment. The quiet felt empty. The stillness felt lonely. I didn’t want to be “here”—I just wanted to escape. But now, I walk the earth with clear eyes, a present heart, and a spirit rooted in peace.
And that… that’s a miracle.
Sobriety taught me that here is where life happens. It’s where healing begins. It’s where God meets us in the ordinary moments—early morning coffee, a deep breath, a belly laugh, a tear on your cheek that doesn’t need to be hidden anymore.
It’s watching your children and actually feeling it. It’s being in your own skin and finally being okay with who you are becoming. It’s the stillness that used to scare you—now becoming your sanctuary.
Here is Not the End—But It’s a Gift
Yes, you will get there. You’ll grow stronger. You’ll gain wisdom. You’ll build the life you’re praying for.
But don’t miss what God is doing here. Right in this moment. Right in the struggle, the progress, the pause. Every sober day is sacred. Every step away from alcohol is a step toward freedom.
And this version of you—even if you’re still healing, still stretching, still learning—is already a beautiful testimony of God’s grace and your strength.
A Reminder for You (and for Me)
You don’t have to have it all figured out today. You don’t need to race toward the next milestone. Just take a deep breath and remember:
💛 You will get there. But right now you are here. And here is wonderful.
So walk the earth. Take it all in. And know that you’re already doing something amazing—just by being here, sober, and open to the journey.
There’s a certain fire that burns within when you rise from the ashes of your old life and start walking boldly in your purpose.
Sobriety isn’t just about quitting alcohol—it’s about reclaiming your power, your peace, your faith, and your future. It’s about choosing healing over hiding, clarity over chaos, and purpose over pain. And if my success in sobriety offends the ones who never thought I’d make it—so be it.
Let it offend them.
Let it shake the foundation of the narratives they built around who I used to be.
Because here’s the truth: I wasn’t put on this earth to live small so others could stay comfortable. I wasn’t saved just to stay silent. And I didn’t fight tooth and nail through withdrawals, tears, loneliness, and spiritual warfare to tiptoe around the feelings of people who secretly hoped I’d fail.
God didn’t rescue me from my rock bottom just so I could keep playing the victim. He gave me new breath, a new identity, and a new mission. He gave me victory.
So yes—may my sober success offend the hell out of those who counted me out.
May my healing rattle those who once whispered about my brokenness.
May my joy shake the ground beneath anyone who thought I’d drown in sorrow.
Because this isn’t just success—it’s redemption.
It’s freedom. It’s peace. It’s grace.
And it’s loud on purpose.
I hope my story reminds every woman still battling her demons that there is life after addiction. There is beauty beyond the bottle. There is power in choosing Jesus over numbness, healing over hiding, and sobriety over shame.
And if my light offends you… maybe it’s because you were never meant to walk beside it.
But for those who feel seen in these words—for those who are silently fighting for their breakthrough—know this: you’re not alone. You’re not weak. And your story isn’t over.
Keep rising. Keep healing. Keep choosing the life God called you to live.
Because your success will speak volumes—louder than the voices that ever doubted you.
I wasn’t someone you’d immediately label as having a drinking problem. I was a wife, a mom of three, and I had a busy, full life. Social drinking was just part of it—happy hours with friends, date nights with my husband, or winding down with a glass of wine after a long day. It felt normal, harmless, and even deserved. But what started as occasional glasses of wine slowly turned into something I depended on more than I ever wanted to admit.
It didn’t happen overnight, and that’s what makes it so sneaky. At first, it was just a few drinks to relax. Then, it became part of my daily routine. The truth is, I didn’t realize how much alcohol had crept into my life until it started affecting my health, my emotions, and my overall happiness. I wasn’t thriving; I was just surviving, and some days, even that felt like a stretch.
I knew something had to change, but it took me a long time to acknowledge it. I wasn’t waking up with hangovers or missing responsibilities. I was just… stuck. The spark I had for life felt dim, and I found myself relying on alcohol not for fun, but for escape. I couldn’t remember the last time I truly relaxed without it.
Then came the questions that wouldn’t leave me alone: What if I didn’t drink today? Could I do it? Would I even want to?That’s where my journey to sobriety began—not with a grand declaration, but with quiet curiosity. I started exploring the idea of being sober curious, giving myself permission to question whether alcohol was actually adding to my life or quietly taking away from it.
The first few weeks of cutting back were harder than I expected. I missed the ritual of it: the glass in hand, the way it signaled “me time.” But once I realized that I could still unwind, have fun, and face my stress without alcohol, I started to feel a shift. I slept better, woke up with more energy, and—most importantly—I felt present. Present for my kids, my husband, and myself.
Of course, it wasn’t always smooth sailing. There were moments of doubt, especially during social events or bad days when I would have typically reached for a drink. But I learned to ride those waves and find healthier outlets: writing, going for a walk, taking a nap, or even just allowing myself to sit with my emotions instead of numbing them.
As I near two years of sobriety, I can honestly say that choosing this path is the best decision I’ve ever made. Sobriety didn’t just remove something from my life—it gave me so much back. I have more clarity, energy, and patience. I’m more present in my children’s lives and feel capable of handling life’s challenges without needing an escape. The mental fog that I didn’t even know was there has lifted, and I wake up each day with a renewed sense of purpose.
I created Sober Without Secrets because I know what it feels like to wonder if you have a problem, to question whether you should quit, and to feel overwhelmed at the thought of navigating life without alcohol. My journey wasn’t perfect, and it still isn’t—but that’s the beauty of it. Sobriety doesn’t require perfection, just commitment, compassion, and a willingness to keep going, even when it’s hard.
This blog is a space where I share my experiences, tips, and the things that helped me along the way. Whether you’re just curious about cutting back or you’re ready to commit to a sober life, you’re not alone. I want to be the voice I wish I had when I was starting—someone to remind you that sobriety isn’t about deprivation; it’s about discovering who you are without the crutch of alcohol.
I hope my journey can inspire yours, and I hope this blog becomes a place where you can find support, understanding, and maybe even a little bit of laughter along the way. No secrets, no shame—just real stories, real growth, and the reminder that you can thrive without alcohol.
If you’re ready, let’s do this together. One day at a time, one honest moment at a time. Welcome to Sober Without Secrets.
Sober Without Secrets 